Dog barking

Re: YOUR DOG’S BARKING

Dear Village Neighbor,

We have been patient; we have waited, hoping you might take action on your own.  Obviously you have no interest in curtailing your dog’s incessant barking.

As we live two blocks away and can clearly hear the constant barking, surely you are cognizant of your dog’s barking in your own backyard?

We’ll be brief.  Please take immediate action to eliminate the barking.  We have provided several local dog training businesses and their contact information.  At the very least, you could purchase a bark controller; again, we have provided a product below.

Don’t you feel bad that we have done more work to train YOUR dog than you have?

This will be the last communication from us on this matter.  We trust you agree with us that this letter is sufficient.  

Letter to management before fake management letter sent to tenant

Dear KKI,

This is, yet another, formal complaint about the prolonged and excessive volume of apartment three’s stereo.  The “music” is audible from the sidewalk and throughout the 402 building.  This scenario continues for, at times, over an hour; to say nothing of the cigarette butts and the smelly garbage dripped down the stairwell by the inhabitants. 

I hasten to add this is not the first time I have contacted the “management” of KKI regarding this matter.  The last complaint resulted in your Saturday “B shift” staff answering his personal cell phone and placing me on hold for the duration of his call. 

Given the general malaise about this Field’s of Rockville tenant and their insubordinate behavior and the less than mildly adequate follow-through by Field’s team, this will be the final complaint—either written or via phone.  The next complaint goes directly to the organizations that subsidize the Field’s operations; if I’m feeling particularly giving that day, I’ll send KKI a copy.

Sincerely,

Your frustrated tenant  

Fake letter from management sent to noisy tenant

Re: Surprise visitation

Dear Tenant,

Periodically throughout the year, our Team at KSI conducts random, unannounced, visits to our various “the Fields” locales.  We do this unannounced because we garner a more true analysis of the status of our apartments than if we gave each of our Field’s managers a prior notice.

Overall, we were mildly satisfied with our Rockville location.  We did notice, in addition, several gross violations regarding your apartment.  To assist you in correcting these oversights, we have listed them below for you.  KSI expects immediate compliance.

1. Loud music
2. Cigarettes on the stoop
3. Excessive yelling inside and outside of your apartment
4. Trash spillage down the stairs

  

Sincerely,

KSI Management